heartbroken about going postal

17 Sept, 2017

The other night, the intense gravity of this fucking plebiscite really sunk into my heart, rather than just making me angry and hurting my head, and it actually was the first time I cried over it. I think my emotional aloofness around this issue comes from my experience of never acutely feeling constant barbs of homophobia growing up, or even in my every day. I also have never been made to question, or justify my right and ability to love whoever I love. So, in some very real ways, I have been able to distance myself and view the whole thing as political and therefore a “washing machine of bullshit”, and not as a very real personal assault on my validity as a citizen and my human rights. Being disabled is the main cause of discrimination and dehumanisation in my life. It too manifests as a constant, but always implicit scepticism of my worth and right to exist. Oddly being gay and queer has rarely come into that equation in my mind. 

As we were watching Leigh Sales interview Hannah Gadsby, and as she discussed the all-too familiar pain of being made to feel inferior just because she is gay, I thought about the [female and non-binary] people I have deeply loved and continue to love, and how my sexuality is one of my core truths. It is one of the few things that makes me feel truly myself when not a lot does. It reminds me of my humanity and ability to profoundly connect to others. Without it, without that aspect of my existence being as it is, I wouldn’t be who I am. This postal vote, while it may be a political tactic, still puts a totally unnecessary judgement on who I am and who I love, which is honestly so damaging. Although I don’t particularly think marriage is a fantastic institution in general, it is limiting and steeped in patriarchal violence, it should be a universal choice. Marriage is the way our society recognises, and legally defines, love and commitment, so why is gender so relevant to that?