Sensing the tiny moments of resilience, as another year passes.

January 01, 2017

I want to post something to mark the arbitrary notion of a year passing, but I feel like today isn't too different from yesterday. Sometimes, the heaviness of the passage of time is too much for my soul. In 2016, I spent countless days in my room, wishing time would stop, as I coloured in and listened to various books, or watched TV. Anything that would soothe my heart, and distract my mind for a while. Some of you even sat with me and listened as I cried over my little existence and held my hand on many occasions when you could do nothing else. A lot of you encouraged me to go back to uni (end of 2015), and a few of you actually helped me reenrol and deal with the stupid bureaucracy. And then some of you even kept me company as I agonised over writing essays so I could complete both semesters. Some people sat in silence with me, and talked about nonsense, books and the meaning of life, and I felt less unsubstantial and alone. So in thinking about 2016, I reflect on those tiny moments of collective resilience, love and ordinary generosity. I appreciate it all so much. Without you, without your consistent presence, I doubt I would be okay enough to even be sitting here by a lake in Cape Town, across the world, enjoying sharing time and space with 'my beautiful cousins' who I absolutely adore. Even if we don't speak often, or at all, I send you all of my love, hope and courage for 2017. Let's just keep on trying.